thoughts on marriage + babies

Raven and Jenni got me thinking this week when I read their posts on babies and marriage.

I don’t think there’s any magical number for a lot of things.  Including marriage, and maybe even babies.  Though I can only speak on behalf of marriage at this moment.  You know this guy for 6 months and you are getting married?   You’ve been dating for how many years and still haven’t gotten married?  You had the statistically perfect amount of time before you decided to jump into marriage?  You got preggers on your honeymoon?  If you think any magical number in your head will surely keep your marriage (or marriage + babies) on the straight and narrow … good luck.  Maybe it’ll help to have stats on your side, but I’m not so sure.  I think it has a lot to do with who you were before you got together, who you are together, where you both prioritize what matters … and the amount of honesty, trust, forgiveness and grace you are willing to extend to each other like rivers.  and you know the good stuff …  like can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other-ness.  I don’t think you can hoard any one of those things without a bust.  babe or not. 

JB and I will have been married a few days shy of three years {if everything goes as planned. ha} when John Bullock IV comes into our lives.  We had a couple years of just us, and it was good.  I am not gonna joke, I was extraordinarily blessed in this department.  For the first couple years of our marriage, JB and I put “making out in as many countries possible” as our priority.  We got up to  25.  That’s good.  But if I had to have cut it short because a babe was in my belle, that would have been good too. 

JB was the first guy in my life that made me feel comfy in my own skin, flaws and all …  Mostly because he makes everyone feel like that.  You do crack?  // okay, well i don’t.  but i’ll be your friend.  …  a most extreme case, but that would be an accurate response from the dude I married.  Basically, from the beginning of our friendship turned courtship turned marriage… I never felt like I had to have it all together to be worthy of his attention, affection, respect.  I still don’t, and that’s refreshing.  And I know after the bebe arrives, that kind grace is still gonna be available to me.  Everyday I am grateful to him for teaching me more about unconditional love.  And I plan on never taking that for granted and giving it right back.  

But having a baby will change a lot of things.  Nature reorganizes priorities.  And it’s probably very polyanna of me to think it’ll be for the better.  Harder inevitably, but richer in ways I don’t think I’ll grasp until he’s here.  I’ve seen it go both ways.  What I’ve noticed about the people that it seems to go so right for is this:  they consistently choose what matters overall above what matters this second.  they are not caught up in an image.  they date their husband, they slow down with their children, and they don’t forget who they are in the process either.  they know who they are serving, and it’s not things that don’t add up to a hill of beans in the end.

So having it all?  If you’d ask me to look at my life now 10 years ago and assess whether i have it all, I think I’d be on the side of no.  Because my life doesn’t look perfect, and ten years ago I was after an image in my head of things that didn’t add a whole lot of value to my life.  But this day, if you asked me do I have it all?  …  in all the ways it really matters to me.  #polyannaforlife

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