my greatest fear

 {an i-phone shot by jessica lorren – taken in last nights maternity session- wearing badgley mischka from rent the runway}

for all of you mamas out there, i seriously have no idea how you do it.  y’all are all my heroes.
i think i am busy now.

I instagrammed yesterday a text from my momma.  It simply said “hey honey!  how can I help u today?” … It’s partially the pregnancy hormone overload of 2012 but tears literally streamed down my face for at least a good five minutes.  My mother has one million other things to do.  Yet she makes serving others (specifically, me) a priority.  How do you live up to that kind of thing?  I hope I get it like she has always.  I hope I can be selfless, put what matters before all of the stuff that simply does not, and be present for my family.  That last line is literally my greatest fear.  The whole not being really there when I’m with bebe tuck and JB.  I don’t want to miss anything, or any opportunity to show them they are it for me.  They’re my top priority.  Yesterday at lunch I watched a mother with her two boys.  She was on her phone for the duration of the lunch.  The 4ish year old on an ipad, and the 2 year old just sat there.  bored stiff.  I get it, things like that happen.  I’m so not perfect in this arena.  but i hope it’s not the norm for them, and i hope it doesn’t become the norm for me.  Just pray I’m not too busy with the wrong things to not fully engage in life

and then work.  i think the two words “working mother” is totally redundant.  but as I figure out how my work will look for me once the baby arrives … I get anxious.  Even though working from home is an incredible luxury.  A good problem for me to have.  but I wonder, how do you do it?  I’m trying to prioritize now, change my times around, and set boundaries for my work life …. which I’ve been doing since the beginning, but feel this added pressure to just get it right.  I’m extremely grateful for grandma’s that will help me.  But how do you get over the guilt?  How do you tear yourself away?

Sorry for the total rambling that took place this morning.  but mama’s out there, how do you do it?  teach me thy ways.  you all amaze me.  and how did you grow up? 

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