fear of labor and delivery

{the past ten weeks through my instagram}
{what I’m wearing:  Left to Right.
First row: 1&2: Tibi via Rent the Runway // BCBG from Marshalls
Second Row:  PBJ Boutique // forever 21 // Camilyn Beth
Third Row:  All H&M (2011 season)}

this was the chapter in my book this morning.  the one i’ve been avoiding.  but avoiding only works for so long.  tomorrow I will be 6 months preggas!  time to face the music and figure out the birth plan.  even writing this post makes me a bit uneasy … talking about childbirth always ends with an involuntary frown and eyes as big as saucers.  my pulse quickens, i probably have a few beads of sweat pooling on my gigantic forehead. but why?  i have never really put it into words.  how silly.  look at all of the people around me.  somebody somewhere gave birth to them! 

then this morning when I faced my fear // the chapter, I realized I’m not scared of a lot of what they say freaks people out about birth.  i’ve been through some physical pain in life due to my open heart and lung surgeries.  the nurses kept telling me then – “giving birth to you will be easy peasey”. oh sure ladies. but really  physical pain isn’t what freaks me out or causes me rapid awkward breathing.  i’ve had two epidurals before … and they felt like a little finger prick on my spine.  i’m not scared of the epidural (though I have yet to decide).  when the chapter mentioned being afraid of IV’s, I had to giggle.  i had one i lived with for months.  due to my heart issues, i have to be in a hospital as i’ll need extra attention.  so water births around my small town or home births are out of the question for me. 

when i really examined what it is that freaks me out…  it is the shrieks i hear in most labor videos.   i get. incredibly. uncomfortable.  they’re what I think of when I think of birth unfortunately.
 my birth plan might include having someone stick a sock in my mouth.
and then the big one i really didn’t know i had until recently … i’m afraid of a c-section.  which makes me feel oddly vulnerable to admit here.

and yep.  fears.  they stink, huh?  lots of prayers over here are happening, and attempting to meditate (which is sort of a joke with my brain).   trying to get over this fear of labor and delivery.  and in the end, the fact that we get to take home a little 8-or so pounder who i am going to snuggle the tar out of.  how truly amazing. the end justifies whatever means.

and you?  are you like one of those built for childbirth that pops them out, no big?  or do you get all cross eyed like me when someone tells you they were in labor for 2 days hollering throughout? 

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