an ugly truth of mine

this whole internet world is amazing and also incredibly strange, all at the same time.  Amazing because I have been able to tell my story, share my heart with people, and meet life long friends.  And then incredibly strange – how attached we are to our avatar, the image we project, the caring of what someone you don’t even know outside of instagram thinks of you.  it can get a little sickening.  it can get quite exhausting.

I innocently got an app that made my instagram look like a pinterest board – I loved it.  But then on the upper hand corner it had a little button to find out who unfollowed you.  I guess I was feeling particularly low when I checked.  And it hurt, y’all.  Then I told my husband why I was having a case of the mulligrubs.  JB looked at me like I had three heads, you know?  Because he is so far removed from this and he has this knack to always be like – doesn’t everyone love me?!  and also, who cares if they don’t?  {big IF in JB’s mind, because remember rule #1-everyone loves him. ha} one of the many reasons I’ll always admire him.

Then it sort of sinks in, you know, my life isn’t what it used to be {quite all right by me}.  I still love looking at travel photos, and miss those days of complete abandon but now I love pictures of other peoples babies maybe even more than travel photos.  weird new mama thing.  So you get it, why people unfollow.  But it still stings a little.   it’s hard not to take it personal when someone unfollow’s you – even though, really, you should not take it personal especially if it’s an avatar you have no real connection to.  I’ll try taking my own advice one of these days …

I love this post by Jen Hatmaker.  Especially, “I can splinter my time and energy away until there is nothing left for the people I live with, live by, live for”.   That. Hit. Home.

I’m not saying instagram or any of it is bad- I guess I’m just saying that these feelings I have when someone unlikes, unfollows, whatever – stink.  and it’s splintering my energy away from the people in my life i live for.  It’s stupid, its ugly, and it brings back feelings of being a freshman in high school and a whole “you can’t sit with us” mentality…

I know you all know I’m sensitive, I mean I’ve mentioned it like 23,000 times here on the blog – but, well, I am. I’m also a people pleaser – I’m trying to overcome that one.  I honestly want to like everyone’s everything and encourage them in all the right ways.  I want to be every bodies friend, so long as they are maybe up for being mine.  But I realize where my real focus has to be on my family, my faith, and the people God has entrusted me to take care of.  God accepts me, likes me, follows me around all day not just on the internet, and that’s what matters.  That’s what is eternal.   I guess my whole point of writing this here today is that I feel like no one ever talks about this ugly side of the internet and to just encourage myself, and others to focus on what is eternal.  always.

in the mean time, I’m going to try to be a little more like JB in this area.  His worth isn’t tied up in smoke and mirrors, photo filters and followers.  Nope, he knows who he is and whose he is.

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