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about my scars and wrinkles.


{me before my surgeries}
The only scar I had was hidden under my chin from a monkey bar accident in the third grade.
  Not that i was perfect, oh goodness no. 
 But if we’re being honest here … Can we be honest?  … yes?  Good.
 Sometimes I ache to not have the scars so many grandparents have.
The way it can make people feel uncomfortable from just a glance, the look of pity I sometimes see.    
I see dresses I would have once worn, the casual way I used to wear my bathing suit and I feel a little loss.
I want to scream I’m only 27!!  
I feel guilty for admitting this. 
Because, I am alive.  and so many others have it far worse.
And isn’t this kind of vanity supposed to disappear in the face of death?  
For a recovering perfectionist it seems to rear its ugly head from time to time.  
These scars are a teeny tiny price to pay.
and if someone doesn’t like them, so what. . .
that’s how I feel the majority of the time anyway.
but sometimes those creeping, nagging feelings tip toe into my head and hang out awhile.    
and then i  realize what those scars stand for.
Gods protection.  
That He was stronger than whatever was trying to harm me.
a miraculous second chance.
a badge that honors the life i’m living.  
These scars and wrinkles are the badges of a richly textured life – a survivor’s life.
They document my personal history.
These scars and wrinkles prove I’ve survived;  heart and lung surgeries, broken hearts … 
they also prove I’ve laughed quite a lot.  (:  
It’s nice to know that JB chose me before and after the physical scars appeared. 
That he never made me feel any less pretty.  Because I honestly wasn’t in his eyes.
That makes it somehow easier to celebrate these scars and wrinkles as they come.
The ones that line my chest and back, that gave me a miraculous second chance at life.  
The beginning of crows feet that prove I am not robot, that we all age.  
I have earned them, and they have made me REAL.
and isn’t REAL, and walking with GRACE what we should all be striving toward instead of PERFECTION?
I say yes.

:::don’t forget to enter my photography giveaway!!:::

xoxoST

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