Tuesday, November 20, 2012

thoughts on marriage + babies

Raven and Jenni got me thinking this week when I read their posts on babies and marriage.

I don't think there's any magical number for a lot of things.  Including marriage, and maybe even babies.  Though I can only speak on behalf of marriage at this moment.  You know this guy for 6 months and you are getting married?   You've been dating for how many years and still haven't gotten married?  You had the statistically perfect amount of time before you decided to jump into marriage?  You got preggers on your honeymoon?  If you think any magical number in your head will surely keep your marriage (or marriage + babies) on the straight and narrow ... good luck.  Maybe it'll help to have stats on your side, but I'm not so sure.  I think it has a lot to do with who you were before you got together, who you are together, where you both prioritize what matters ... and the amount of honesty, trust, forgiveness and grace you are willing to extend to each other like rivers.  and you know the good stuff ...  like can't-keep-your-hands-off-each-other-ness.  I don't think you can hoard any one of those things without a bust.  babe or not. 

JB and I will have been married a few days shy of three years {if everything goes as planned. ha} when John Bullock IV comes into our lives.  We had a couple years of just us, and it was good.  I am not gonna joke, I was extraordinarily blessed in this department.  For the first couple years of our marriage, JB and I put "making out in as many countries possible" as our priority.  We got up to  25.  That's good.  But if I had to have cut it short because a babe was in my belle, that would have been good too. 

JB was the first guy in my life that made me feel comfy in my own skin, flaws and all ...  Mostly because he makes everyone feel like that.  You do crack?  // okay, well i don't.  but i'll be your friend.  ...  a most extreme case, but that would be an accurate response from the dude I married.  Basically, from the beginning of our friendship turned courtship turned marriage... I never felt like I had to have it all together to be worthy of his attention, affection, respect.  I still don't, and that's refreshing.  And I know after the bebe arrives, that kind grace is still gonna be available to me.  Everyday I am grateful to him for teaching me more about unconditional love.  And I plan on never taking that for granted and giving it right back.  

But having a baby will change a lot of things.  Nature reorganizes priorities.  And it's probably very polyanna of me to think it'll be for the better.  Harder inevitably, but richer in ways I don't think I'll grasp until he's here.  I've seen it go both ways.  What I've noticed about the people that it seems to go so right for is this:  they consistently choose what matters overall above what matters this second.  they are not caught up in an image.  they date their husband, they slow down with their children, and they don't forget who they are in the process either.  they know who they are serving, and it's not things that don't add up to a hill of beans in the end.

So having it all?  If you'd ask me to look at my life now 10 years ago and assess whether i have it all, I think I'd be on the side of no.  Because my life doesn't look perfect, and ten years ago I was after an image in my head of things that didn't add a whole lot of value to my life.  But this day, if you asked me do I have it all?  ...  in all the ways it really matters to me.  #polyannaforlife

33 comments:

  1. This was beautiful, Sarah! And I love love the line where you said, " they consistently choose what matters overall above what matters this second."

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  2. I liked this post a lot, very well said and so so true.

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  3. Love this post. Its so true that the amount of time necessary is different for everyone. We are working on our second year of marriage and talking about it in a years timeline persepctive

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  4. What a beautiful, inspiring post!

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  5. I love when you post things like this. :) It helps put everything back into perspective - especially with the crazy holidays coming around when things can get all out of whack and stressful. So thanks for knowing when to throw something like this out there to us.

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  6. Thank you for this amazing post Sarah :) Very heart warming and true.

    -C

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  7. Yet another post that will be bookmarked to revisit for inspiration.

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  8. I love this, Sades. And I needed to be reminded of it. So often I'm guilty of criticizing my life in the moment, and failing to keep that big picture perspective. Do I like seeing my husband once a week? No. Do I wish we had the energy to do more than collapse on the couch when we DO see each other? Absolutely. I get so envious of people getting to date their husbands.

    But in the long run, you reminded me today that we're on a journey, and headed exactly in the direction we want to go. It's a long, dark road at times, but there's light at the end of it. And at least we're traveling on it together (:

    Thanks for this...

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  9. So beautiful and touching. It's hard to not get caught up in the image in your head. It's really important to slow down and enjoy the everyday. Life is about the journey, not the finish line.

    i'm with you- there is no perfect time or formula for a happy marriage/babies!

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  10. you are wise beyond your years miss tucker! I couldn't agree more with every word. there is just no special formula for the perfect marriage or perfect life. it's all about making the most of what you've got and being thankful. baby tuck is only going to make what you and JB have stronger and even more meaningful. sure it might not be all va-va-voom for a while, but there are more important things in life than sexy time :) you guys will be more than fine! I can't wait to be even more inspired by your incredible relationship. love you friend!

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  11. it is for the best! there's a season to be just two of you and there's a season to make a big old family! it's all fun if you can be flexible... and the poor husbands, they do have to be flexible when girl goes all mommy-mode and baby is glued on :)

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  12. such a beautiful response to having it all...

    and i couldn't agree more with your second to last paragraph (:

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  13. i love this post! you're so right about there not being a magical number or way things are supposed to happen. i thought i'd be married by 26 and with my first babe at 29, but getting married at 28 and waiting a couple of years to have children couldn't seem more perfect to me now. as much as we try to plan for the future, things happen as they're supposed to...

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  14. What I took out of this is if my boyfriend and I get engaged after 6 months, no one is allowed to judge us. ;)

    Love it! I have never been married but I love the marriage perspective. I'll take all the advice I can get. XO

    sharethoughtblog.blogspot.com

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  15. "if everything goes as planned" HA! That made me laugh out loud ;)

    I've always told you that you and JB seem amazing to me. Your marriage is an inspiration and I have NO DOUBT you will be an amazing mother and that bringing kids into the mix will make your marriage that much more amazing. Seriously. You are definitely one I look up to.

    and as I said before, I love that you "date" your husband. ;)

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  16. An honest and inspiring post - so true Sarah, all of it!
    There is never a right time, you make it right.
    x

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  17. can i ditto what Liz said?? You and JB are such an inspiration to me, and i cannot wait to watch this next chapter of your life unfold. love you.

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  18. Beautifully written. I couldn't agree more xoxo

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  19. I highly agree with the Pollyanna point of view of life;)
    You have many blessings before you because you all have placed the right priorities first. What a beautiful testimony to love , marriage, and babies!

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  20. Such a beautiful post :) I couldn't agree more! xo

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  21. Sarah, I have been reading your blog for a year, and I look forward to every one of your posts. I just want to give you a hug through the screen every day. You bring such optimism, faith, and love to your site. Thanks for always providing me with the most wonderful advice and things to think about :)

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  22. this was such a great post to read! you guys seem to have such a solid marriage and i am so excited to see you two welcome a new addition to your family. the two of you always give me hope that i'll find my mr. right in the future :)

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  23. The line about making out in as many countries as possible made me giggle. Thank you for that much-needed laugh!

    SHF
    thechroniclesofs.blogspot.com

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  24. oh how refreshing this is. i catch myself comparing my relationship to friends {terrible habit, i know!} reading this refreshed my soul. thanks for spilling out your heart. xojacqlyn

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  25. So well said my wise friend!! I wish we could talk about all of this in person together while sitting on one of our back decks. (:

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  26. i love this post becuase i know exaclty how you feel because ten years ago my idea of having it all was quite a long way from what i have now--it was way too materialistic.

    but now i realise i have all that matters to me and i am extremely blessed.

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  27. Love this post! I am excited for you two to meet your little man.

    Aisha
    www.themiddleofhere.com

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  28. this is so well put. great post. we can all be polyanna, right? i'd rather be an optimist anyways! :)

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  29. I know I'm a little late on this one, but I love this post. Your story and your marriage inspire me so much. You are so very beautiful, inside and out!

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  30. So beautifully written from the soul and deeply rooted in a bigger love beyond yourself -"extend to each other like rivers" ...awesome truth in that line! Thank you for sharing.

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  31. This is truly inspiring and incredibly well written. Thank you for sharing! Can you remind me what book that quote is from in the image? I gasped when I read it too- absolutely lovely!

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