Thursday, July 7, 2011

about my scars and wrinkles.


{me before my surgeries}
The only scar I had was hidden under my chin from a monkey bar accident in the third grade.
  Not that i was perfect, oh goodness no. 
 But if we're being honest here ... Can we be honest?  ... yes?  Good.
 Sometimes I ache to not have the scars so many grandparents have.
The way it can make people feel uncomfortable from just a glance, the look of pity I sometimes see.    
I see dresses I would have once worn, the casual way I used to wear my bathing suit and I feel a little loss.
I want to scream I'm only 27!!  
I feel guilty for admitting this. 
Because, I am alive.  and so many others have it far worse.
And isn't this kind of vanity supposed to disappear in the face of death?  
For a recovering perfectionist it seems to rear its ugly head from time to time.  
These scars are a teeny tiny price to pay.
and if someone doesn't like them, so what. . .
that's how I feel the majority of the time anyway.
but sometimes those creeping, nagging feelings tip toe into my head and hang out awhile.    
and then i  realize what those scars stand for.
Gods protection.  
That He was stronger than whatever was trying to harm me.
a miraculous second chance.
a badge that honors the life i'm living.  
These scars and wrinkles are the badges of a richly textured life - a survivor's life.
They document my personal history.
These scars and wrinkles prove I've survived;  heart and lung surgeries, broken hearts ... 
they also prove I've laughed quite a lot.  (:  
It's nice to know that JB chose me before and after the physical scars appeared. 
That he never made me feel any less pretty.  Because I honestly wasn't in his eyes.
That makes it somehow easier to celebrate these scars and wrinkles as they come.
The ones that line my chest and back, that gave me a miraculous second chance at life.  
The beginning of crows feet that prove I am not robot, that we all age.  
I have earned them, and they have made me REAL.
and isn't REAL, and walking with GRACE what we should all be striving toward instead of PERFECTION?
I say yes.

:::don't forget to enter my photography giveaway!!:::

xoxoST

53 comments:

  1. You are beautiful and amazing! Scars are God's little reminders...love this :)

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  2. beautifully written, and the writer is beautiful as well, scars and all. i cannot imagine going through what you and jb did, it's amazing and inspiring.

    xoxo :)

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  3. This is the most beautiful post I have ever read. Sarah darling, let me tell you something. From the moment I strolled into your gorgeous little blog I thought "this girl is so incredibly gorgeous... and her style! hmmm absolutely amazing" ;). You are an incredibly beautiful woman, inside AND out.

    kisses,
    Mariel

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  4. That was beautiful, as are you. I'll remember to hold myself to a standard of grace today - wise words.

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  5. What a breathtaking piece. I fell across your blog thanks to my good friend Samantha. I adore finding new blogs and this one is breathtaking.

    With the photos to the words you really manage to make them shine. Grace. Such a beautiful word. So many meanings. I agree, we should strive for grace, for being real, and to avoid perfection. After all it isn't obtainable. It's not who we are.

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  6. You are so beautiful and strong <3
    Merci.

    Bisous

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  7. Aww, Sarah. This was so, so wonderful and heartfelt. I think you are 1000 times more beautiful BECAUSE of your scars! And wrinkles? Well, that's nothing a little botox can't fix. ;)

    Love you, sweet friend.

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  8. Girl, isn't it funny to think we can so easily assume someone's got it all together (not to say you don't) but then we realize, we ALL have insecurities... and you just showed some of yours. Go you. And while scars can suck, it's because of them that you're healthy and here... and I know I'm grateful for that (and I'm gonna take a wild guess JB is too!).

    Have a fabulous day, Sarah!

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  9. Simply beautiful.

    And I want you to know that your blog has inspired me as well because I have been going through some health problems lately that have left me rather unable to do much. But when I am able to read your blog I find it inspires hope knowing all you have been through and yet despite it all your dreams came true. Keep sharing yourself with the world because you never know the difference you are making in others lives!

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  10. Beautiful post. Of course it's natural for us all to lament our aging and banged-up bodies, so it's important to remind ourselves of our beauty, which lies inside and outside. I am learning to love my wrinkles (haven't wrapped my head around gray hair yet, but that's easily remedied, at least for now), and I agree that they should serve as a reminder of a fulfilling life. They're not wrinkles...they're smile lines - isn't that a more fun way of thinking of it? And your scars are most certainly a badge of honor - you are a survivor!

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  11. I just adore you. I really do! you are so gorgeous but still it just makes you human to have little insecurities and imperfections. Your attitude is contagious ms. Sarah :)

    xo,
    chelsea (the wanna be sarah and jb in 3 years :) )

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  12. Amen! I praise God for those scars because I still have my bestie! I love you!!!! And you are so so GORG! No matter what!

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  13. "These scars and wrinkles are the badges of a richly textured life "

    so beautifully said and so so so so true. that scar is who you are. i actually think your scar is kind of neat. you have such an amazing story and its visible to see. and i'm willing to bet when people see your scar, they're more entranced by your radiant smile and happiness and wonder how such a young girl could go through something like what left that scar and still light the world.

    i almost wish i had physical scars from life hurdles and heartbreaks. so i could look down at them and say this happened to me and i got over it and i'm a better person because of it. because sometimes it far too easy to forget.

    and the wrinkles well everyones got them. i got them too. but i'd rather have wrinkles from a life lived fully than a perfect face and to have never laughed or done bad things for me that cause these wrinkles.

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  14. Wow what an incredible post. You are such a strong and beautiful woman, Sarah! I'm blessed to know you! :)


    P.S. let's go for tea when you get back! :)

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  15. I know sometimes insecurities are inevitable, but just know that you really are beautiful. And the scars prove that even more so.

    You're a survivor, Sarah!

    www.mypersonaldaydream.blogspot.com

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  16. beautiful insight. what a great message to start off the day.

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  17. oh my my. thank you for that. you are such a beautiful being! so thankful to read these words today :)

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  18. I don't know what else to say except that this was beautiful. Thank you for your genuine honesty and for such touching words.

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  19. This post is so amazing. Thank you for writing that. We all fight that inner vanity demon occasionally, but you've got it SO RIGHT! Every little imperfection makes us who we are and reminds us that we are alive. Thanks!!!

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  20. Beautiful Sadie, you are allowed your feelings. Your scars are a reminder of struggles and pain! One of my favorite quotes is "Just because other people's problems are worse than yours doesn't mean yours don't hurt too."

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  21. so yeah, I totally loved this post. Not only are you gorgeous on the outside, but from your writing, everyone can tell how absolutely gorgeous of a person you are on the inside, and I LOVE that quote at the beginning...SO true. You scream "grace" Miss Sarah :)

    Hubs is pretty cool too. Your kids will be lucky little rugrats :)

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  22. Thank you for this :) Beautifully written reminder of what truly matters.

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  23. you're amazing for sharing this. I think you are SO gorgeous. And to be honest, I always have girl crushes on girls who have something a little "off"

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  24. So beautiful, honest and real! Thanks for stopping by my blog! Loving yours....you've ot a new follower!

    www.MrsCapretta.com
    Recipes Fashion Marriage

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  25. This is beautiful! Your scars are a reminder of how beautiful life is and how amazing it is to have a second chance. Thank you for sharing!

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  26. You. Are. Beautiful.

    And I agree.. scars are an incredible reminder of God's all encompassing love. And a reminder that we are, in fact, simply human.

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  27. You are so strong and amazing and inspiring...I love you sooo much! AND MISS YOU LOTS AND LOTS!! xoxo

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  28. Wow this is amazing. I love stories that scars and wrinkles tell. And you are beautiful just the way you are. God is so faithful to you!

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  29. Wonderful post. After a near death bus crash with my husband, we are now both proud of our scars (both physical and emotional). They prove to the world that we can survive the worst.

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  30. you are such an inspiration. Grace is so much more important than perfection. I love that you embrace the life that you have lived and the one you will continue to live. You are beautiful inside and out!

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  31. sarah, this is such an amazing post. i am a perfectionist myself and i struggle with it all the time, so this was a breath of fresh air to read. you are beautiful & amazing! :)

    p.s. thanks for saying you like my crazy, wavy, out of control hurr ;)

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  32. So beautifully said, just like you :)

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  33. Amen to that sister :) I love your honesty and that you are not afraid to admit your feelings. We all have those desires to be "pefect" from time to time (or sometimes on a daily basis). I think being real and true to who you are while walking with grace is exactly what we should be striving for!

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  34. i cant see your scars...but i am pretty sure they are damn sexy; like the rest of you.

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  35. and on a serious note. i loved this.

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  36. Girl, you are stunning. I've never seen any scars in any of your photos and honestly your so beautiful that I don't think I would even notice if I could see them.

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  37. Lovely post! I had major knee surgery when I was 20 & was left with a large scar on my left knee. At first, I thought that I would be self-concious about it--my legs would never look the same! It tells a story of a time in my life that changed & molded who I am today. Thanks for the reminder & inspiration!
    Love, Leigh

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  38. So true. I'm tearie eyed. So blessed to have you in my life. :)

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  39. So i wasn't sure what scars you were referring to and I looked in your about me where I found your story. Working with stroke patients every single day I know how difficult it must have been for you. You are such an incredibly beautiful person and God gave you a second chance. You are so brave for writing posts like these and just being honest, which many people are not. I give you so much credit and I hope you continue to touch people's lives in the way your blog has touched mine.

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  40. this was beautiful.
    almost as beautiful as YOU ARE!!!
    inside AND out honey.
    Your a great vessel and beautiful instrument of our father in heaven.
    Thank you for breaking the robot stereotype I was beginning to develop for you.
    ha ha
    Blessings love!

    ♥cheche

    http://savedthrulove.blogspot.com

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  41. I am so glad to find that there are other people out there and feel the same way. I have a scar on my left arm from a surgery to remove a melanoma and a huge one on my left calf from a 'suspicious' mole that eventually turned out to be fine. I hated my legs before, and now I hate them even more because of the scarring.

    I love how you put it - God's protection. I will try to remember that one next time I am thinking of choosing pants over a skirt.

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  42. Hi Sarah!
    This was such an inspiring post to have greet me :) You are so lovely, inside and out... and what is "perfection" anyway but that which God made and protects? :)

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  43. you will always be beautiful sarah. God was obviosly just making more room for an expanding heart. xoxo

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  44. Such a sweet post, I always say my scars are just holding onto stories- waiting to be shared!

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  45. such a wonderful post. thank you for sharing :)

    beautiful.

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  46. Thank you for sharing this. I think we all can feel insecure about one thing or another when it comes to our body. I teared up hearing about your miracle. God's Grace is so good to us :)

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  47. You are beautiful inside and out. Thank you for sharing! Your style has inspired me on my own European vacation this summer and this post will inspire me to not get too down on my own wrinkles and rapidly multiplying freckles.
    -Cate

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  48. i'm 27 and just suffered from a minor burn on my chest, that will always be a scar. i'm struggling with looking at it in the mirror, because i feel it's so unfair, even though i know it could be so much worse. this was very important for me to read. thank you.

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  49. my favorite quote.... to be alive at all is to have scars

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